A man is suing Smart Water for not making him smart.
I may have a case against Thin Mints.

My cellphone accidentally took a 10 minute video of my shoes yesterday.
Actually, it was pretty good footage.

How do I like my coffee?
Immediately.

The school called me today.
They said your son is in our office telling lies.
I said he sure is- I don't have a son!

They say "revenge is a dish best served cold"
They also say "revenge is sweet">
So basically, revenge is ice cream.

Managing your weight around the holidays just takes a bit of planning.
For example, I took the batteries out of my scale.