I am known for being the fun in dysfunctional.

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y.

My mood ring is missing.
Hmm. I don't know how I feel about that.

When I was young, I was poor.
But now, after years of hard work, I can proudly say-

I am no longer young.
 

I never finish anything.
I have a black belt in Partial Arts.

I am terrified of elevators, 

so I take steps to avoid them.

My dentist told my wife she needed a crown.
She said, "I know, right??!!"

I'm older than Google.

And you probably are, too.

Let THAT sink in!