My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. 

Seems I couldn't concentrate.

So I became a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it. 

So they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried being a tailor, but I wasn't suited for it. 

Anyway, it was a sew-sew job.

Next, I took a job working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

Then I thought about being a chef, but I just didn't have the thyme.

My next job was at a deli, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

Then I was a barista at Starbucks, but I quit because it was a real grind.

I considered becoming a doctor, but didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory. As hard as I tried I just didn't fit in.

 
I became a professional fisherman, but couldn't live on my net income.

I got a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

 
When I applied for work in a gym, they said I wasn't fit for the job.

I tried my hand at teaching, but I didn’t have enough class. 

Plus it made me cross-eyed. I couldn't control my pupils.

I finally got a job as a historian, but there was no future in it.

 
So now I am a magician, my perfect occupation-

because I'm always up to the same old tricks!