My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. 

How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

I’m a very tolerant man, 

except when it comes to holding a grudge. 

–Robin Williams

   I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking"

but I don't have that much time. 

–Stephen Wright

   Always remember my grandfather’s last words: 

“A truck!” 

–Emo Phillips

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, 

but this wasn't it. 

–Groucho Marx