You can't trust atoms. 

They make up everything!

I asked my dog what's two minus two. 

He said nothing.

I ate a clock the other day. 

It was very time consuming.

I used to play piano by ear, 

but now I use my hands.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? 

Two: 

One to screw it in most of the way and 

another to give it a surprise twist at the end.